Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
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