I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
