sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
