Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
