Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
