All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
