Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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