you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
