As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
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