Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
