I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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