and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I need moral support for this bender
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
