Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
