i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
