Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
