how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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