I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
