Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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