Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
