i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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