I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
im holly from the hills drunk
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I just found a bag of teeth...
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
