I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
