At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I will die if light touches me.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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