Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
