There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
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