I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
did i just pee glitter
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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