I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
