i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Watching her eat just hurts me
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Randomize
