he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
