Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
