I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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