And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
