I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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