i just wanna soil my oats bro
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
