I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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