Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
