New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Life without a bra equals bliss.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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