I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
