I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
