Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
