Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
