i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
