i wish my penis had a tongue
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
