Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
