You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
