just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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