Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
