Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
