my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
i came on her dog
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
