I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
