oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
