I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Randomize
