there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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